One of my friends said her new year’s resolution was to have a relationship this year. Her eyes got a bit dreamy, and she told me about how her relationship would be supportive and spiritual, just like mine.

When I asked her what she wanted in a relationship, she didn’t have a very specific answer. How would she recognize “someone wonderful” when he knocked on her door?

Dating can be frustrating and confusing. I traveled that road for almost 20 years and made almost every mistake imaginable.

I was engaged five times. I seemed to pick great men that weren’t compatible just for the challenge. I then worked for years to “fix” the relationship. And my mother said I was just too fussy (NOT!).

After the fourth “unwedding”, I was at the point in my life where superficial, conflict-filled relationships were too much effort. I gave up on finding “the One”. I made my life as big as I could and became my own One.

When I felt ready, I created a strategic relationship plan.  I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t going to settle for or “fix” someone. I wanted to surround myself with people that made my life bigger than I could on my own.

I knew what I most valued. I dedicated time and energy to connecting. I asked questions and listened.

I planned ahead to make dating safe and risk free. I dated anyone with a pulse once and quickly sorted out if we were compatible.

Dating started to be fun and an adventure with “shoulds”. I was more selective than I ever thought possible and still had plenty of dates.

If you are anxious about dating, you don’t have to be. Dating can be a big Connecting Game where you get to show up as courageously authentic!

You don’t have to be perfect for anyone else. And no one has to be perfect for you to share a cup of coffee and a few stories.

Dating is like sales. In sales, it takes about 20 calls to make a sale. The odds aren’t that much different.

When you let dating become a numbers game, you appreciate every person who is not a fit because you’ve gotten one date closer to finding someone that is.

Remember, when you don’t need someone to be happy, you are able to enjoy the discovery process.

Do you have a strategy that makes dating fun for you?

Jane Wolfe is an artist and an improviser guiding individuals and groups to find their own unique gifts and express their unique talents and wisdom. Life is not scripted. We live with the unplanned and unexpected. Jane discovered the art of improvisation as a metaphor for life. It teaches individuals how to react and respond to life’s opportunities and challenges in a way that invokes the best of their creativity, innovation, communication, teamwork and leadership.