I explored different relationships for 20+ years before I discovered the perfect husband for me. He wasn’t perfect, or perfect for the other 3 women he had married before me. But he was for me.

I wasn’t that attracted to commitment because I didn’t want it to recreate my mother and father’s relationship.

Don’t get me wrong. My parents were married for almost 50 years. I didn’t see them fight or have harsh words. They didn’t criticize each other.

They had settled down to a life of working together to raise children on a farm as part of their community. That’s what scared me. They were so settled. They worked hard. They had their different roles.

It worked for them but would not have worked for me. I questioned their style. Where was the adventure? Where was the fun? Where was the intimacy?

When I started dating, I longed for connection. For passion. For roads to discovery and growth. Someone that loved adventure as much as I.

That’s what is so exciting about the man I married—he is up for an adventure, for growth and discovery. What made his security-minded exes crazy and anxious, is just the thing that fills my heart with joy.

When I support others in attracting the relationship that is perfect for them, it is not based on what anyone else wants or needs. It is based on what rings their bells.

We have such unique paths. Thank Goodness! We don’t have to follow any rules to “hook” someone. We can focus on being our best unique selves and that is what is most attracts others.

Appreciate what makes you unique. Know your unique contribution. It allows you to appreciate another’s differences and preferences without having them mean anything about you. This is the opening to authentic self-expression.

What do you appreciate about yourself today? About your relationship?

Jane Wolfe is an artist and an improviser guiding individuals and groups to find their own unique gifts and express their unique talents and wisdom. Life is not scripted. We live with the unplanned and unexpected. Jane discovered the art of improvisation as a metaphor for life. It teaches individuals how to react and respond to life’s opportunities and challenges in a way that invokes the best of their creativity, innovation, communication, teamwork and leadership.